It's Oh So Quiet . . .

It's oh so still . . .

Eh, never mind. I can't remember the rest of the words, and that's not what this post is about anyway. Now I'm just wasting time.

Being so quiet that I tend to fade away into the background is, shall we say, normal in my day to day life. But I don't like that it's starting to happen so soon after starting this blog. I did have plans for it. And then I got a job. And then I got distracted. And then I forgot those plans. And that's not okay. Not for me.

If re-joining the retail world has shown me anything, it's that (nice co-workers and good insurance aside) I don't uh . . . want to be there?

It's good to have this job in the sense that I have money coming in while I try to make other plans. The problem with this is that if I'm not careful, this job could easily take over my life. I haven't written anything in two months. I've been working. And when I wasn't working I was resting. Or spending the money I was making. Or just trying to bliss out as much as I could on movies or tv or music or books. This is all fine and good, except that I am trying to build a career that's not really related at all ( in any way that I can see) to my current situation. There are things I want to do and I've been letting myself become distracted, by fear that I don't belong there, and by some semblance of a comfort zone at home and at work. Work is not exactly comfortable for me yet, but I can at least get myself through one shift at a time.

They say that everything that happens in your life at a given time is somehow related to other things happening in your life. Or something like that. For example, in addition to my job that I get paid at, I started volunteer work where I go in and read with first graders to help boost their literacy skills and get them interested and even excited about reading. This week I read with a little girl I don't normally meet with. She grabbed comic books she wasn't really interested in, and wanted me to read them to her, telling me that she didn't like to read, because she didn't know how.  Of course I told her that if she practiced reading she would get good at it. We only have a half hour each with these kids, and I'd never met with this girl before, so I'm not sure what kind of impact, if any at all, that I had on this girl, but  . . . yeah. Practice is what makes you good. It helps you reach goals and gets you where you want to be. It's advice I need to follow, but just haven't been.

I just don't want to give up. I don't want this blog to go the way of other blogs I've started and then immediately abandoned. I don't want to just not write.

I promise I'll keep practicing and it'll get better than this. This isn't exactly the kind of thing I want to keep writing. I know this post in particular isn't great. Or you know, good. But I'll be back and it'll get better.